Whee! Merry Christmas, everybody!

I finally managed to get on the compy before my sister did. She's ALWAYS on...... Geez....

If you want to get technical, I got at the office (which is where the compy is) before she did. Then I had to set up my comp for dial up (I brought the CPU home) and now I'm online, testing my Christmas present for Nanaki. I'm sorry it's late! Two teenagers, one computer with a net connection. Doesn't work out too well....

Anywhoo, here's the requisite run-through of what I got: a portable radio and discman, two books by my favorite authors, a set of headphones with microphone attached, a How To Draw Manga on perspective and backgrounds, makeup, a makeup bag, and a Chocolate C, from my parents and sister. From my godmother, I got a notebook, a cute monkey for on my monitor and a rubbery pen-thing. From Nanaki I got LOTS of Pocky (Yum!), other japanese imported candy and a Hello Kitty notebook and pencil in Cancer, my sign. To everyone who got me stuffs, THANK YOU!!!!

Now I go send said present today, and hopefully she'll get it. If I really want to push my luck, I'll hope she likes it.

It's exam season, so I can only spare time for a quick note.

• Remember Koyasu-clone from my comp sci class? Well he's been growing his hair out lately, and he doesn't look quite as good anymore. NOO! Cut your hair!

  
  
  

• I went to the mall today to cash some checks and get something to eat. Père Noël was walking around the food court for a bit... he reminded me of Sinter Klaas. I mean, today IS the feast of St Nicholas. It's on this day that SinterKlaas goes to Holland to deliver his gifts, not on Christmas. I got a present for Sinter Klaas last year. My mom went to holland, and brought me back a set of Watercolour Pencils. Anywhoo, it was OBVIOUSLY Père Noël and not Santa Claus, due to his costume. He had a staff, that curled at the end and a bishop's hat (decorated), and a long robe. Any anglophone there might have easily mistaken him for Albus Dumbledore, all dressed up fancy.

  
  
  

• But anywhoo. I'm back now (duh)... I have my TV dinner and my Chocolate Raspberry (I love those things) and now I should get off my lazy ass and study.

Well, after chatting with Kenshin for a bit (He's Mako's younger brother, if anybody cares) and getting a GOOD nights' sleep, (and with tea steeping) I can honestly say that I feel much better.

Kenshin said that he missed me... and the rest of the gang we used to hang out with... He missed fighting me at pokémon for gameboy (we were pretty even, last time we battled, but I'm kind of rusty now). . . so I'm gonna look him up when I'm on christmas break. I'll go look up Ellene, too. I haven't talked to her in a while.

I didn't get much sleep monday night because my roomie's snoring was much louder than usual. Last night it was much quieter again, whether due to my exhaustion, or if it really WAS quiet, I don't know. The point is, I slept better.

All those late-nights at the Panto probably didn't help any, either. I usually use Sundays to catch up on A) sleep and B) Homework. I didn't get either done. I went to bed at around1 - 1:30AM sunday morning, and got up at 9 again to be back at the theatre for 11. One thing about me you should know if you don't already is that I need LOTS of sleep.

On the way home sunday, I got no sleep on the bus, because I just CAN'T sleep on a bus.... and then I threw up in Parry Sound, but I mentioned that already.

I got a few of my marks back, and I'm doing better than I thought. That's not saying much, but still. I'm getting early 70s in Discrete Math, high 60s in Chem, low 60s in Calculus, I have NO idea in Physics (I check tomorrow) and high 90s in Computer Science. (Yes, I'm a big computer geek. How'd you tell?)

The only negative side effect is that I've got that panto song stuck in my head again. But then again, that's a side effect I get with every show.

On a wonderful day like today

I defy any cloud to appear in the sky

Dare any raindrop to plop in my eye

On a wonderful day like today

On a beautiful morning like this

When the sun is as big as a yellow balloon

Even the sparrows are singing in tune

On a beautiful morning like this

On a morning like this

I could kiss everybody

I'm so full of love and goodwill.

Let me say furthermore

I'd adore everybody

To come and dine,

The pleasure's mine

And I will pay the bill

May I take this occasion to say

That the whole human race should go down on its knees

Show that we're grateful for mornings like these

For the world's in a wonderful way

On a wonderful day like today

Yo. I'm bored and lonely and really bummed.

I'm also feeling generally unwanted. Whenever I try to talk to someone, the person I'm trying to talk to makes an excuse and leaves. Ari-chan's been doing that quite a bit lately. When she's on, that is. Even Nanaki has started on it. Earlier today, she signed on. I say "Yo" cuz I'm wondering why she's on. It turns out she was on "because she wanted to see if Josh was on. Which translates in my mind to " I only really wanted to talk to HIM and the fact that you're on doesn't really matter to me." Then, later today, I go for dinner. When I get back, Nanaki's on. We barely get past "Yo" When she leaves to do homework. I understand ppl have homework but I didn't even get a "bai"

The only one at university I could REALLY call a good friend is Drew. Officially, he's my guy, but I don' t know where I stand with him as far as my own emotions go. Yeah, he's a good friend, and it's fun hanging out with him and such, but I feel so empty most of the time I'm not sure I'd even recognise love if I felt it. It's like there's a thick wall around me and I can only see people through the windows. Cliché maybe, but I don't care.

I've heard time and again that I 'push people away' to keep them from hurting me, but coming from a gradeschool environment where all anyone ever DID was try to make my life generally miserable if not a living nightmare, it was only natural to me. Don't get me wrong, I've opened up a lot since then, mostly because of my Theatre Group, if you ask me. I remember the last play I was in with the group before I left... the director said she was proud of how much I'd grown in the five years I'd been in the group up till then. One thing that I know makes me happy is being onstage, and I can't even do that for at LEAST another year. It's been two years since I last set foot onstage, and GAWD I miss it. I mean, I've helped out with the productions as makeup lady, but it just isn't the same.

Trill-chan pesters me incessantly, going all bummed on me because I'm trying to study for my finals which start next monday. Still, I get messages on how she's SO lonely and I'm the only one who ever talks to her and her life is shit and now even I won't talk to her. I'm sorry, but exams are serious. It involves countless nights of studying your ass off. I will NOT feel sorry for you and stop studying because someone is acting all bummed and depressed on me... and I take it back. I'm NOT sorry. I don't care ONE bit.

Isn't that me in a nutshell. I don't care.

Supplemental:

Nanaki's gone again, and talking to her has done NOTHING to my mood. She came on. We made small talk for a bit.. I sent her a file she sent me then lost, and then she left again. I told her I was feeling empty and bummed and unwanted and I got an "Oh dear." and that was it. Why is it that whenever a friend of mine is bummed I'm the one to be all supportive and make with the ego-stroking and such, but whenever I'm bummed, I have no one to do the same for me?! Life sucks

Okii! I'm BAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!

I got back at 11:15 pm EST last night, tired and somewhat nauseous (I threw up in the McDonalds in Parry Sound on the way back) but considerably less stressed. My forehead is clearing up, even. ^-^ Mako-chan, Nanaki-chan, I missed you guys!

Now, I'm gonna stay away from the whole "no one cares about me" thing, for one reason: I wanna talk to Nanaki "in person" about that.... that is to say, over MSN or AIM. Instead, I'll tell you what I did this weekend.

I went home this weekend to help with makeup for the christmas play that mom is producing for the theatre group we're both in. She was so desperate for ppl she payed the $90 for the round-trip bus fare. This year's show was "Little Jack Horner", English Pantomime style, and BOY were there a lot of makeup changes. Whitefaced guards who needed to change to dark-faced Gypsies and back again. A feature dancer who needed sparkles for one scene and one scene only, and so on and so on and so on. And only three of us to do it all. There were three shows on saturday, at 1, 4, and 7:30pm, all about 2h 30min long. For the 7:30 show, the other two makeup ladies went to see the show and I had to do all the makeup changes BY MYSELF... and I DID IT! And on Time, too. Yay, me!

I went to see the show at 1pm on sunday, and then I had to go to Yorkdale to pick up the bus back here. (where I threw up en route) The other kewl thing was out of the whole cast of 30, I knew everybody except for about 5. AND I knew all the Front of House volunteers, the Stage Crew (my Dad and Imouto were among those, even though my sis insists the actors are all a bunch of weirdos) And the other two makeup ladies. I really miss being the one onstage, but next year I SHOULD have enough time to be in the Thorneloe Players (AKA university theatre group) show...

I miss a lot of things. Being onstage. The cast party (woo!)... One weird thing was that the opening number this year was the same as the opening number we used for My First Panto, Aladdin

On a wonderful day like today

I defy any cloud to appear in the sky

Dare any raindrop to plop in my eye

On a wonderful day like today

*kills the singing since it's cold as a bitch and snowing* The show was really funny. I like the part where Dame Dimwit (read: traditionally a male-playing-female part) "dresses up like Britney Spears to scare the living daylights out of them"... and it worked..... Then he lost his wig halfway through the next scene (on purpose)... AND he kept forgetting his lines. You can tell cuz he asks the pianist (who is wearing headset which connects to Stage Right and the Booth) what it is.

I also miss being able to obsess over these things with Nanaki and Mako the day they happen.^^; Oh well. I can do it tonight.

Why is it that Nanaki always gets depressed when I'm gone and never when I'm here? Anywhoo, Nanaki, when you read this, please accept this belated e-hug ----> *hug* and my apologies for being gone TWO weekends in a ROW.

Three more weeks to Go!